Thursday, 18 October 2012

Shout-Outs, Schedules and Lecturers

People of Earth. It is I, the Mad Writer. Please bow down, drop whatever it is you're doing (cos I'm more important and entertaining anyway) and listen. Well, read. Since you can't listen to words. Well you can but not in this case. Wait what the hell was I gonna say? Maybe I should change my name to Alzheimers Writer. That'd be a little closer to the mark.

So since I've clearly been drained out of stories and the muse that tickle my creative sweet spot seems to be on the Vegas vacation; I shall once again convene to ranting, and strangely enough, thanking people. Yes you saw right. I, the narcissistic, sarcastic, satirical and misanthropic douche-bag, will be thanking people. And in a sincere voice too. Maybe the world really is coming closer to the end. Although I still maintain that the 21 December 2012 theory is just a Mayan practical joke. The elders of the tribe are sitting on Alpha Centauri or some other far away galaxy, smoking a pipe and laughing at us, Homo Sapien x3, for being gullible monkeys. 

But I digress. Without further ado, I have people to thank and I'd rather get that out of the way so I can start the real blog post, which mainly revolves around my bitching. 

Person number one on my list is a little girl named Emma. And I use 'little girl' in the sparsest of senses. Emma is a teenager and a friend of mine who is something of a promoter, when she's not busy doing school work. Again, 'promoter' is used because I have no idea what the cock she does. All I know is that this chick made her pals buy my book, selling a total of 5. Then to prove that she has a giant swinging pair that can rival any dude's, she made her school teacher read the book, and thanks to that, a copy of Firstborn is now available at the St. Monika school library. Not only that, but she is also the administrator of my still-in-construction website as well as the first person to try some Legacy style fan art. So a shout-out to this amazing gal. 

Shout-out number two goes to a little group of people who work at Book Tweeting Service. (dot com, people. Apparently it's a website.) Particularly, I would like to thank Stef and Colette. Here's a little story: As those who know me can verify with vehemence, I have no managerial or people skills to speak of. So when I needed to convert my book to .epub and .mobi formats for a bunch of online book stores, Stef was more than happy to do this for me, and at a very cheap cost. Now one would think that this woman would only deal with me during office hours. But no. When a specific site (Lulu) kept being a bitch, Stef and I kept corresponding until 2AM!!, until I was reduced to tears and uttered more curses than the entire British navy put together. I am now working with Colette, who has already proven to be extremely helpful. 
So what I'm trying to say here is; Write a book, get it edited and get these guys to convert and tweet about it. They have proven to be the best of the best, and just damn nice. Great service, cheap prices, and indispensable to any independent author out there. 
P.s. I'm not receiving commission on any of this. They will have a surprise when they read this. Yeah, I just like them that much.

Shout-out number trois (no I haven't invented a new number), goes to a lovely gentleman named Jesmond. Now I know that on this blog I constantly bitch about how there are no decent professional services in the country, which is true. But I have to say that I have found the black sheep of the local publishing industry, most of which is populated by dim-witted fuck-sticks who ask you what shape does a book have (see previous tweet where I invite one such fuck-stick to shoot herself repeatedly). Jesmond heads the 5 Star Printing company here in Malta and did a very professional job on printing my novels as well as posters and fliers. Again, if you're a Maltese artist (and I know you're out there) and you need something printed, seek this company out and you'll be happy with the results.

And now that the shout-outs are over with, it's time for some bitching. The weather has started to turn sour and grey here, and what a perfect accompaniment to the first few lecture weeks. My mantra is to try and get through the day with a minimum number of casualties. 
I've just realized what a waste of time 90% of my lectures are. I mean, I get that you (my lecturers) are an insecure little bald git who has no aspirations in life but spewing out facts that other people have written. Hell, an hour on wikipedia will tell all you need on the subject better than some lecturers. And I get that you guys have the teaching and presentation skills of a howler monkey on dialysis and Prozac. But that is no excuse for presenting the class with a power point presentation and reading through it for an entire 2 hour lecture. And when I say 'Power point' I actually mean 'Wall of text'. I mean it says it right on the till: power POINT. It should be a small point, that is small, concise and gets to the cocking point!!! When each of your slides looks like the friggin Declaration of Independence, something is amiss.
And another thing: I read up to 30 or 40 novels a year. I've been reading full length stories and anthologies since the age of 4. I really don't need you to READ FOR ME. I can do that by myself. I can understand what I read my myself too, cos I'm a smart cookie. Essentially what I'm trying to get at is; if your idea of teaching a class of smart people (which you've rendered semi-comatose with your droning) is to READ AT THEM, then you're more useless than a used condom. 

Now that that's out of my system, I can get on with my post. Lemme lay down my schedule for you so that potential fans (the 7 left) can get an idea of when to expect new stories. 
From now till January, it's pretty much gonna be a slow pace for me. I got assignments and a dissertation to finish, not to mention exams (hopefully the last I ever take). I'm gonna try and work hard so that I finish a good thesis by January, and let that take a back seat until the deadline in April. For the second semester I believe that I will have no exams, but just assignments. Which, as annoying as they are, I can manage in one weekend. 
This is good. For 2 reasons. Reason 1: I need a break from the Ashendales and the Legacy series. I will be promoting and selling like crazy, I hope, and after working 8 months non stop on this, I'm tired. 
Reason 2: I wish to continue writing book 2 of the Legacy series next year. I need to get cracking by February, so I'm gonna take all the time I have to, to get rid of all school work, before taking on a new writing project. And this one, boys and girls, is going to be massive. 
This summer, I think I will also take up a couple of projects. I have 2 short stories which I have to finish, both part of the Legacy series. (One is finished and the other is halfway typed.) I also wanna start a new series, of which I will reveal nothing about yet. I have written just the first page of the first book and until I have enough time to properly cultivate the story and give it the attention it deserves, I'm not gonna discuss it any further. 
Also next year, Shaun and I will be undertaking the creation of our comic. Not sure when the first chapters will be available though; we're both busier than Satan's department in Las Vegas.
As for more short stories: I dunno guys. I never planned those out. But my guess is that they're gonna be even more sporadic and far apart now more than ever. I mean, seriously; just look at my schedule!

And, I almost forgot (not really), this year, I have 2 comic-cons to attend. One is the local comic-con, and more on that in later posts. In exactly one week, I will attend the London MGM Expo for the first time ever. It will be my first time at an event this huge, and also my first time selling a product. This morning, Eisei asked me how do I feel about the con. My answer was a clever quip. That was to mask my true feelings. Here's how I truly feel about the con:
Hope that was clear enough. 

Stay tuned for more (later)

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