Friday, 30 November 2012


You guys wanted more Firstborn so here it is. Last we left, Erik is preparing to enter a school building filled with Lizardmen. Enjoy.

Chapter 2:

Having a pair of firearms doesn’t change anything when you know deep down that your prey is unaffected by both darkness and bullets. I stood very still as my eyes, slowly adjusting to the darkness, picked up subtle hints of movement. A twitch here, a jerk there. I willed my magic right into my guns and I opened fire at the closest hint of movement. All hell broke loose, as flashes of red from my enhanced bullets showed giant reptilian figures scurrying around and running up walls. Angry hisses surrounded me, and I knew there and then that if I did not kill these monsters soon the predator could very easily become the prey.
There exist several types of magic but they essentially boil down to two: Wizards can simply wave their hands, say some words, and something happens. Or they can use channels. Channels can be just about anything: guns, knives, swords, bows and arrows. There is a downside, however: Everyday objects made by everyday people are too brittle to handle any real power. 

Friday, 23 November 2012


Final part of Chapter 1. Lemme know in the comments if you guys want more of Firstborn (this novel) or maybe something different. 


Before Roland could retort with very true accounts of my behaviour around his crime scenes, I walked up to the front door. I un-holstered my guns, a pair of identical Berettas, and took a deep breath. I directed my grim thoughts toward the positive side. How my sister would kill to be in my position and be able to see, maybe even capture a fabled Lizardman. Amaymon, too, would have a hissy fit when he realized what he’d missed. After a few seconds of smiling like an idiot, I was ready to confront the horrors that had the entire police force cowering in their boots.
“Let’s go negotiate,” I said.

Thankful Thoughts, et Addendum

It occurred to me that yesterday was Thanksgiving for my American readers across the Atlantic and, in that spirit, I thought I'd share some of what I'm thankful for. 

Before this post can launch off into the aether and into your brains, lemme just post a little disclaimer here: I haven't slept in 24 hours, still high on the medication I took yesterday, have aches in that part of my body called 'everywhere' and am chugging scalding hot coffee in hopes that the magical elixir of the Aztecs will cure the headache I've been having for 3 days straight. 

And on that happy note, let's get started.

First, I'm thankful for the two brain cells which rubbed together and formed the thought which spurred me to resume writing again. That's the story behind Firstborn really.

I'm thankful for all the people who read the book. Even the sample pages. 

I'm even more thankful for those who bought the book. Presumably to read it. Although I know for a fact that they make lovely pillows. If you wanna join this group of people to whom I give all my love, try going

I'm thankful for all who edited my work and those who helped promote it.

I'm thankful for good music, movies, anime, the whole enchilada. Right now I'm on a Star Wars craze and have plans to do a Lord of the Rings marathon with Shaun this weekend. I also have a Naruto iPhone case with Akastuki red clouds. Yeah, I'm that commercial.

I'm thankful for reviews (Hint, Hint!), which so far have been verbal. Lets write them down people, this isn't the Constitution of England. Which doesn't exist. Cos it's not written down. Ya dig?

I'm even thankful for the one jackass who posted a negative review on my Amazon page. In all fairness, he tried (yes it's a he. I know it, I can Feel it. No woman would be this much of a douche-bag. I recognize my own gender's assholery), to be candid and helpful. He failed. Mostly because the review was based on 2 cocking paragraphs otherwise known as the preview and the entire thing was slanderous. There are maybe 4 words which I have taken into consideration. Again, help me drown this troll with positive reviews. A sentence or two will suffice. Or, hell just click on the stars. A rating is still good.

I'm thankful for rejection letters. There's nothing like 70 robotic 'this project isn't for us' emails to rape, kill and bury whatever self confidence you have. But I amuse myself with imagining how their faces will turn when they line up to watch the movie version. I just hope no one surnamed Stewart or Pattison will be in it.

But seriously, agents. Enough crap now. Yes you showed you have a big swinging dick. Huzzah for you. Now how about you own your eyes and reach inside your hearts and just say 'yes. Yes you poor, dreamer you. We'll give you a chance.' C'mon, have a heart.

That being done with I have some news. I have some free days on KDP select, so if you're that poor, (or that cheap; I know some of you are here for the free stories and laughter) you can nab one then. This only applies to the ebook version of course.

Also: if I reach a 1000 pageviews on this blog, or 100 followers on Twitter OR 1000 sales on amazon (including the freebie days), I will reveal the TITLE OF THE NEXT BOOK. And perhaps some info. Also, look forward to some competitions in which I give out signed copies of Firstborn, maybe a signed poster as well. Oh and maybe an ORIGINAL SHORT STORY which not even my beta readers have seen yet. (Speaking of which, I really gotta hand that to them. Good on Mr. Alzheimer's)

Is your interest peaked yet?

Friday, 16 November 2012


Ladies and Gentlemen; I give you the third portion (out of 4) of Ch1. Taken from my YA Urban Fantasy novel Firstborn. 
Part 1 is here:
Part 2 is here:


“You wanna go in alone?” 
“If any of you go in, it’s like providing them with a free lunch. Right now, I have a better chance at surviving them than all of you guys put together,” I said grimly.
Roland raised his hands. “I’m not gonna argue. I’ll say you’re a negotiator or something but you gotta call me the second it’s safe for my officers to go in that place. And Erik—” he called after me.
“Don’t screw up.”
 “When have I ever?” I replied innocently, as my lips stretched into a smirk. 

P.S. Next SFFSat post will be the end of this chapter. Lemme know if you want more of Firstborn (I can go up to 3 chapters) or maybe something different. Also feel free to check out the rants and random bursts of my everyday life on this blog. Guaranteed to provide a laugh. Or traumatize you for life.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Expos, Elections and Expectations

Hello fellas. Welcome to the planet Jupiter, also known as the where-Ryan-goes-to-write place. As usual I bring you news, updates and just random crap. Today's selection; The Mcm expo (which I'm not gonna write in capitals. I'm lazy), The Election (yes, I'm that big a douche-bag) and updates with regards to my short stories and this nifty little blog I found where people are just awesome.

So the London expo.

Random voice in my head: But Ryan. . . wasn't this expo you speak of held 3 weekends ago?
Ryan: Yes. What's your point?
Voice: Why blog about it now?
Ryan: Cos now is when I feel like it.
Voice: But. . .
Ryan: Shut up, Bitch!
Voice: Sorry @@
Ryan: -_-.

My apologies is your mind is blown and you're picking up the pieces as if you're a scavenger during the zombie apocalypse.

So the Expo was interesting to say the least. Shaun and I went there for a total of 4 days. Although time travels differently in London. Either that, or the space-time cortex in our brains froze off during our 1 hour walk to find a subway sandwich place. Yes: we WALKED AN HOUR to find a place which didn't have Hebrew in the name and didn't deep fry everything. One day Brits will discover flavour and they're gonna freak!!
So we go in the hostel we're staying at and it's. . . not horrible. Well the comments of some sites scared the crap out of us but it turned out most of it was crap. Only set back was that the owner was Indian and was indecipherable. For the next 3 days (Friday till Sunday) we rush out of bed, Shaun puts on his costume, and we catch 3 trains, all packed with cosplayed nerds. Meanwhile I lug round over 50kg worth of books. Not fun.
First day: We get sent to the wrong table, set up on the wrong table and get sent away. We are pissed off and no one knows where we should be. We ask 4 different security/officials and they give us 4 different directions. Finally we find out where we should be and we set up. I see Ryan Sohmer pass by and have possibly my biggest fan-boy moment in my life. Shaun starts giving me shit, until Eisei comes along and then his brain cells shut down. Dumbass.
Oh and did I mention: No one comes to our table. We make maybe 5 sales between us. Keh.
Second day: We arrive at our table, spend some quality time with Eisei, Who bdw is the best saleswoman on Earth. Seriously, this chick gets us a whole bunch of people to our table, and they actually buy stuff. Well to be fair she is the most attractive member of the trio. And Japanese. And wearing a short-skirt school girl costume. Need I say more? Well, to be fair it was a cosplay. I dunno which character and I don't care.
Day three: we push as much merch as we can and try not to cry during out departure with Eisei.
We fail.
Then I come home and, tears in my eyes, write Late Goodbye, which can be found somewhere in this blog.

Over all Experience: Had fun, made lifetime friends, definitely going again. Maybe next time I'll be represented.

That's it. I've written it, it's over, moving on.

Now that the election of the World Government, I mean America, is over I can start another campaign where I shall have beautiful tweets, freebie days and cherubim singing. It will be so awesome that you will be able to hear 'Wings of Icarus' by Celldweller (YouTube it) in the background, even when there is a blackout. Especially during a blackout! And now every Sandy victim who happens to read this thinks I'm an asshole. Seriously though, I hope you guys are safe.

Voice: But Ryan didn't you state above that you would share your thoughts about the American election? Do you have any?
Ryan: Yes I do. I believe the character of Abe Lincon during the epic rap battle of history 'Romney vs Obama' summed up my thoughts quite well with the line:
"The President shall not be the shiniest of two turds".
I believe this applies to the local elections as well (not that anyone care about those.)
Voice: Erm. . . Ryan. . . Now everyone in America hates you.
Ryan: Fuck the haters. What America, what the World, needs right now is a Liberal, pot-smoking, feminist who actually knows what's happening in places like Wall Street, who knows about the Russian band Pussy Riot and who is aware of how screwed up the economy is. A sense of humour wouldn't hurt either.
Voice: So essentially you want Greg Proops to be the President of the United States?
Ryan: Exactly.
The rest of Malta: *raises hand* Ryan, who is this Greg Proops you speak of?

So yeah. That happened.

On to Updates. I have joined SFF Saturday!!! What is SFFS you ask? Why a blog, much like this one. Except that over there, professionals write and the word 'cocksuckers' is used in an artistic way. I don't see the difference. I consider asking a whole country to fuck off a work of art. But that's just me.
Sff sat blog is where a group of writers post snippets - a 10 sentence paragraph and then let others comment. It's like So You Think You Can Write and the panel is just so freakin' awesome. I'd like to thank everyone who commented on my SFFS posts. You really make my weekend filled with rainbows and butterflies.
And for the last update.
So far I have been posting snippets of Chapter 1 (from Firstborn) on SFFS. They like it apparently. And this gave me an idea.
I have a short story in mind and I plan to write it in snippets. Yep, this story will be in scenes of 10 lines each. So far I have the first one done, and at 7 sentences, it's, in my opinion good. I dunno how long it's gonna be; probably I'll kill everyone off when I get bored.
I'm gonna keep posting snippets of Chapter 1, until I run out. Then I'll start posting this short story. And continue depending on response. Who does that sound?
What I'm basically saying is, when I blog a post with SFFS, read it and leave a comment. And browse others' posts as well. There are some really good ones.

So yeah, it's been a busy few weeks. Between doing the gangnam style horse riding dance and singing both disney and old 70's rock songs in our room in England (I'm straight but I don't vouch for it. Or asexual. Which means I dislike everybody. Shaun's undecided), taking on a short-story project and hunting for agents, it's no wonder my headaches are increasing and I find myself conversing in the mirror with more frequency.

Until next time. Remember, check out my SFFs posts and Firstborn on Amazon.

I'd say bye, but I'm not really gone. (Creeeeeepppppppppyyyyyyyyyy)

Friday, 9 November 2012


Another part of Ch1 of my YA Urban fantasy novel Firstborn:

“And,” he continued, his eyes now wide open, “they aren’t human. I swear, Erik, they looked like giant geckos on hind legs. No one wants to admit what they saw, but we all saw it. ” He sucked deeply on his cigarette, forcing himself not to panic in the vicinity of his subordinates.
“Long necks, elongated snouts, tail thrashing about? Looked ready to eat every single one of you without a moment’s notice?”
“Yes, exactly like that!” Roland yelped. The cigarette was half gone by now.
 I smiled happily, much to Roland’s chagrin. “Lizardmen; you found Lizardmen.”

Check back next week for the continuation. Enjoy!