Sunday, 27 January 2013

Elations, Elections, Egad

Hey guys. Contrary to popular belief, no I have not died nor disappeared nor abducted by aliens. I've had exams which have upset my timetable to such a degree that I actually needed to get out of the house. It was bad. Now I only have one final exam left and hopefully I'll never have to deal with one of those fuckers ever again. I am very close to closing the chapter on my university stuff and get down to some full-time writing.

First off, if you're reading thank you. Your support means a lot and it will be rewarded. There will be a slew of short stories soon and I suggest you start with this:
Finished that a few hours ago and I have much more written down on my to-be-typed pile. I wanna get rid of this Star Wars one cos I've already started another. Yes I'm that big  fan. Stop judging.

Book-wise, I may or may not have news about a contract, but I'll receive a definite answer in April. Either way, I doubt book 2 will come out this year. But fear not, there will be something else. Unfortunately, since the publishing part is no longer in my hands, my job is just writing the story. Which is what I set out to do in the first place.

In the following months I shall be submitting an article and a Legacy canon shot story for the Kingdom of Fantasy magazine. Whatever they accept, if any, can not by law by published here. If they don't publish them, I'll post them here. In short, you will be entertained - its only the position that differs (try sleeping tonight guys).
And this February, I shall be participating in a Blog-aversary and will be posting a character interview. What this essentially means is that I will allow the spirit of kitty Amaymon to enter me and answer questions. Then I will jar myself and edit the living fuck bunnies out of them. If you've read Firstborn you know that the cat is the last person who should have anything public.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something but my mind got a rough whacking with all the studying. And it was probably not the best of ideas to discover Dungeons and Dragons Online 2 days before my exams. I apologize if this is not as entertaining; its been a while and to be honest, I'm not even sure the others are entertaining at all. My assumption is that my blog is read by four people who day after day hope that Mad Writer will post "I've finally did it - I've killed my neighbour for hammering a nail at 4 fucking am!"

I haven't posted a rant and people say I should, so here goes. Mind you, it 1 am here and I haven't slept properly since my reincarnation from an aardvark. I'm not really sure what an aardvark is but I love saying aardvark.


As you've probably gathered by now, I'm from a tiny, tiny, needs-an-electron-microscope-to-see-it-on-the-map, island in the Mediterranean sea called Malta. Here's how small we are - if you go an Google Maps/Earth (I always confuse them), you will have to scroll down so much that your finger will require deep tissue message.
And on this wonderful island of our, its election year. First off lemme just say that the phrase 'get off my dick' doesn't even begin to describe just how annoying the situation is here.
We have only 2 parties - one sabotaging the other, the other bitches and pokes back. Essentially we have the Jerry Springer Show version of what you might call democracy.
There are billboards all over the streets, so that you can't listen to Aerosmith in your car in peace and they all portray the two party members who are cat fighting for the position of Prime Minister. Yes, we're just like England: our Queens are for licking, our Presidents for wandering what the cock is it they do.
Now before I go any further, I have to describe the candidates because A) I'm a dick and B) it's a cheap laugh.
Our current prime minister looks like a cross between Emperor Nero and an iguana. The other one is more deceptive. In a certain light he looks like Yogi bear. In another it's a blonde Silvio Berlusconi.

Q: Ryan did you just compare the only 2 candidates for power with Italian tyrants who Bunga-bunga'd their reigns of tyranny ?
R: Yes. And here's why.

You see, they all promise us more money or more shit, half of which have has more fine print of it than Dr. Faustus's contract with Mephistopheles in the Marlowe play, when the sad truth is that there is now money. Yet people forget: my country had 17 billion euros in debt last year. God knows how much is it now. That is the number 17 followed by NINE zeros. If I were to pool all the money from all the banks in the country, discover a lost Egyptian tomb and somehow manage to get written on Lindsey Lohan's will, I still wouldn't have that much money.
Here's another perspective. Think about winning the national lottery. Over here its's a million euros. Think about what you'll do or buy. Most people I know always say the same thing - they would love to spend a month at the Bahamas, frolicking in the sun, beneath palm trees and possibly with a pair of tanned twin girls in skimpy bikinis.
With 17 billion you could BUY the Bahamas!
Malta itself, the entire 4 island archipelago, doesn't  cost 17 billion.

And the sad part is we are so entrenched in this bullshit that we ignore the fundamentals of life. Over here, there are no gay rights. There is no SOCIAL education. There is no appreciation for art whatsoever. Even the President does not attend a ballet performance held in his honour. Hard work is not acknowledged. What is acknowledged is horse shit like your background, where are you from, your ethnicity, who your parents are, what colour do you vote for, what colour does your family vote for, who are you married to and whose man-bag are you willing to lick.

Wow, Ryan, I thought this was a funny post.
Well there are some preachy parts, where I put on a cox-cumb (look it up in Shakespeare's King Lear) and deliver truths under the guise of a fool, a bard and a blasphemer.

Because that ladies and gents is the true essence of storytelling. That is the true nature of a storyteller.

On that note I bid you adieu. Till next time. And check out the latest addition the the Star Wars shortie:

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